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Red Book, Millie Only, Entry One

In my book of dreams

I took your urgent whisper
Stole the arc of a white wing
Rode like foam on the river of pity
Turned its tide to strength
Healed the hole that ripped in living

In my book of dreams

The spine is bound to last a life
Tough enough to take the pounding
Pages made of days of open hand

In my book of dreams

Number every page in silver
Underline in magic marker
Take the name of every prisoner
Yours is there my word of honor

I took your urgent whisper
Stole the arc of a white wing
Rode like foam on the river of pity
Healed the hole that ripped in living

In my book of dreams



I didn't know how to start, since I have always been one for blank pages and clean slates. Empty pages mean that everything could be there...and looking again, I can see how that's a fear of committing on one level, too, since in the end, unchosen possibilites are simply nothing.

And that comes back to the discussion we had that night. What do we have but possibilites ahead of us. We can leave it to chance, but to be honest, thinking of that chance...it's a possibility that seems so far off, but one I think, maybe I would be willing to take.
You said "destiny" to me, and I remember the last time this chance crossed my path. I was scared, I was young, but I was willing to take it. Occasionally, and I don't like to admit it, I dream that it did work.
What makes it odd, the last tip towards the edge...I told you Gran made me make that promise, and I know Rahdha's not the world's best name. But her folk trace back to Niall and the Sons of Dan, and that's where she said she got the sight. That's why they kept the name, actually, which means "a vision." But my Granddad didn't see it that way, and he teased her no end about her "seeing" - and he had a nickname for her: Sibeal, the Irish version of Sybil...or Isabel.
Conicidence? Or destiny?
In the last dream I had, her skin was less pale, and her eyes were dark. I came closer to grasping her hand than ever, and I felt, maybe next time, it wouldn't slip away. Drifting before I sleep some nights, I hope to see her again. When we argued, I wasn't just worried to lose you, bad enough as it was. That time, it was like I would be losing her, too.
And that's the answer I have for you. I hope it's enough.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
nypd_millie_viz
Feb. 27th, 2006 08:57 am (UTC)
Isabel.

It...makes no sense. It...makes perfect sense.

I have had that name picked out since the fifth grade. Your gran had that name...for more than a generation ago. And you made a promise. To use her name...the name that I picked out...

I think I'll go out on my new roof and look at the stars.

det_mike_logan
Feb. 27th, 2006 09:08 am (UTC)
The roof, hunh?
I'll be right up...I want to see what you think.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )