det_mike_logan (det_mike_logan) wrote,
det_mike_logan
det_mike_logan

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Fun And Games - or Playing the Dozens with Goren

In New York City's war on crime,the worst criminal offenders are pursued by the detectives of the Major Case Squad. The City pays for the cell phone plan of the MCS. It also pays for their time.
This Friday, the tax dollars were hard at work.
This is the story.

Round One - Logan. Goren took a few moments to realize the game was on.
Round Two - Logan. After moving from pets, to Stabler, to personal insults, Goren is struck by one particularily foul blow.
Round Three - Goren. No presents for Mikey.

There were no winners. Only a loser - Stabler.


Detective Logan: TXT: Hey, Goren - Your dog's so dumb that it tripped over a cordless phone
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: got a problem with my dog Logan?
Detective Logan: TXT: Your dog's so dumb it got hit by a parked car.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: hey Logan
Detective Logan: TXT: Yes?
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: your cat is so ugly he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Detective Logan: TXT: Your dog is so dumb he noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so he just did
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so stupid he hears it's chilly outside so he got a bowl
Detective Logan: TXT: Your dog's so ugly, he looks like he got hit with a bag of "What the fuck?!?!"
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so stupid he watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog is so ugly, he can look up a camel's butt and scare the hump off of it.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so bald you can see whats on his mind
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog's so ugly when he was born, they named him "Damn!"
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat's feet are so big his shoes have to have license plates.
Detective Logan: TXT: Your dog's so ugly, if he was a flavor it would be oogalicious.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.
Detective Logan: TXT: Your dog's so stupid, he thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so stupid he was born on Independence Day and can't remember his birthday.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog's so stupid he threw a grenade at my cat, who pulled the pin and threw it back.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat's mouth is so big, he speaks in surround sound.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog's so stupid, he tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in his shower.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog's so stupid, he asked you "What is the number for 911?"
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so ugly he made an onion cry.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Your dog's so stupid, he fell up the stairs.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Your cat is so ugly he tried to take a bath the water jumped out.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Elliot Stabler's so stupid, when someone said "Take the trash out," he moved.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Shit. Forgot to replace the words in that one
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: haha
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Know why Stabler's got so many kids? He's so stupid, his idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.
Detective Logan: TXT:: I have his academy application. Under "sex" it says "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too."
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: but yours says all week, right?
Detective Logan: TXT::: Where it says to not write below the dotted line, he put"Ok."
Detective Logan: TXT:: You bet your ass it does.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Actually, it says "yes, please"
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: I don't bet my ass, especially not to you. Youre not my type.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Anyhow, at the bottom of application where it says Sign Here - Stabler put "Sagittarius."
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: haha
Detective Logan: TXT:: Cragen told me the first time Stabler heard the judge say "Order in the court," he said "I'll have a hamburger and a Coke."
Detective Logan: TXT:: Fin told me about the time he tried to play one on one - he said "Ok, but what's the teams?"
Detective Logan: TXT:: Munch told me they had to take him to the ER - he had a cell phone jammed up his butt because he thought he was making a booty call.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: that must have hurt.
Detective Logan: TXT:: He keeps putting lipstick on his forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: did you put a diaper on your head because you wanted to change your mind?
Detective Logan: TXT:: I dunno, When you got stuck in a doorway, did they have to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get you through?
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: mmm twinkie
Detective Logan: TXT:: I hear when you were a kid, you were so fat, you couldn't play Hide-n-seek, just seek.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: I heard that you're so ugly that you get 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
Detective Logan: TXT:: I heard you had clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: I heard that you're so ugly that if ugly were bricks you'd have your own projects.
Detective Logan: TXT:: I heard you're so fat, your blood type is Ragu.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: I heard you're so ugly when you joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
Detective Logan: TXT:: I heard you're so fat and old that when God said "Let there be Light", he told you to move your fat ass out of the way.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: You're older than me. It must have been your ugliness that caused the light blockage.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Oh, pardon me. Suck it.
Detective Logan: TXT: You're so fat, on Halloween you say "Trick or meatloaf!"
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: You're so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around your ankle, they put it around your neck
Detective Logan: TXT:: You're so fat, I saw a picture of you in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: You're so ugly when you walk into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
Detective Logan: TXT:: You're so fat you sweat mayonnaise
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: ewwwww
Detective Logan: Haha!
Detective Logan: TXT:: Victory is MINE
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: damn it.
Detective Logan: TXT:: PS I am at work.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: work is that slow?
Detective Logan: TXT:: Hells, yeah.
Detective Logan: TXT:: So where are you?
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: away.
Detective Logan: TXT:: DUUUH
Detective Logan: TXT:: Where?
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: You asked.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: In a room.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Deliberate obsfucation is the last refuge of the asshole.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: So I'm a private asshole. are you planning to stalk me or something? I'm not giving you directions.
Detective Logan: TXT:: No, you jerk. It's called a pleasantry
Detective Logan: TXT:: Also, I may want a present.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: I already gave you a present from here, but obviously you didn't like it since you gave it back. And made a cannibal village out of it, which was actually quite amusing.
Detective Logan: TXT:: Well, I thought so.
NYPDDet Goren: TXT: yes.
Tags: fight, goren, hijinx
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